When I made my commitment at the beginning of this year - 2019 - to build better relationships, be they new or existing, I did wonder if I would be able to achieve it.
As with most incidents of ‘resolution-making’, I was conscientious in my efforts in the first month of the year.
And then, invariable, life gets in the way and I started to question my commitment.
Then, after a fateful meeting at an event in March - the Men’s Symposium, I met an intriguing gentleman, who invited me to a new initiative he just started - a Men’s Group.
Prior to this, I’d wondered if such groups even existed. And so, I went to my first meeting.
And it was remarkable. To be fair, I didn’t know what to expect. Even so, it was nothing like I imagined (or feared).
The atmosphere was welcoming, the attendees were fully present, and I went away with a new sense of possibilities for the year.
This is an excerpt from a FB post I made about the event:
Finally, in the evening, by invitation, I joined him and 3 other men in my first ever Men's Group. We watched a docu-film called 'The Work' by directors Jairus McLeary and Gethin Aldous (Men, you really should look this up and watch it. I don't recommend anything lightly, as those of you who've known me for some time will know).
We then came together afterwards to discuss the film and share our thoughts.
I must say that, prior to last night, I had never even really heard of Men's Groups. One of the reasons I joined last evening was that I had been feeling a sense of isolation for some time and, late last year, I realised how un-connected I was.
The main question in my mind was, 'Who can I open up to when I face problems?'
While amongst the others present last evening, I learned that I was not the only one asking this question.
So it was serendipitous that I met him at the Men's Symposium last Sunday and he happened to be hosting the Group yesterday.
Thank you for extending the invitation. I don't think you know what it means to me to have visited your Group. Nevertheless, I am deeply thankful that you reached out. I look forward to contributing more in the future if you'll have me.
By the 3rd one or so, I was awash with a familiar doubt.
“I don’t feel like being there. How does this help me? I’m not making a difference there. Why bother?'“
I seriously contemplated not turning up for the next one.
“What difference would it make?” I asked myself.
It is at times like these that I realise how important to my mental well-being it is to make decisions before they need to be made. As I had already decided to keep attending early on, I kept to my decision.
And I never doubted myself in this area again.
Since that incident, I had ‘religiously’ been present at every monthly meeting.
At this point, having just attended the 10th session (I hope my math is right), I told the group my experience and that I had grown since that first meeting.
Because our meetings are meant to be private, I am not at liberty to disclose what we have discussed or done in them. Suffice it to say that I have found them to be an important part of my growth this year.
I am immensely grateful to have found this group of men. Though we aren’t necessarily ‘brothers in arms’ in closeness (yet), I know that I can count on at least some of them should I ever need to call for an listening ear or for help.
It is a relief to know that I am not the only one bothered by the oft-unspoken loneliness that many men face.
Though we may put on a brave front or say that we are fine, more often than not, we aren’t.
I believe that this needs to be a more widespread thing. And as I have been inspired, so shall I inspire others.
Perhaps in 2020, I will start one and see where that takes us. There is much to consider, of course, but, as one of the lessons I learned attending this Group, I need to take action, not just stay in my head.
Here’s to a connected 2020, for all men everywhere.
