2020 Begins. Time For My Word of the Year.

In line with previous years, I will continue my tradition for the new year of 2020 - a Word of the Year.

And, this year, it will be:

SOLID

I spent some time on the 1st of January painting this, and now it stands behind my work station.

Three of the main themes within this are:

1) Solidify

From abstract to concrete; from ideas to plans, and then to action.

2) Consolidate

Having avalanches of thoughts and collecting disparate bits of information results in innumerable potential ideas.

The main problem here is that most of them sound like good paths to follow.

I will spend this year consolidating what I can and determining which path(s) to do so. And I will certainly not do so alone. I will seek God for His direction, and also take in the wisdom of people around me.

3) Stand Solid

In 2019, I had a bit of a breakthrough. Though I have always been firm on my beliefs and the actions that result from them, I learned that I was still limiting myself in numerous ways, both mentally and emotionally.

This coming year, I will pursue what I should. And I will stand stronger upon what I believe I am worth and what I am due.

So there it is, my Word of the Year, and my commitment to keeping it.

I wish you the same commitment and follow-through. Happy 2020!

I Joined A Men's Group And It Changed Me

When I made my commitment at the beginning of this year - 2019 - to build better relationships, be they new or existing, I did wonder if I would be able to achieve it.

As with most incidents of ‘resolution-making’, I was conscientious in my efforts in the first month of the year.

And then, invariable, life gets in the way and I started to question my commitment.

Then, after a fateful meeting at an event in March - the Men’s Symposium, I met an intriguing gentleman, who invited me to a new initiative he just started - a Men’s Group.

Prior to this, I’d wondered if such groups even existed. And so, I went to my first meeting.

And it was remarkable. To be fair, I didn’t know what to expect. Even so, it was nothing like I imagined (or feared).

The atmosphere was welcoming, the attendees were fully present, and I went away with a new sense of possibilities for the year.

This is an excerpt from a FB post I made about the event:

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Finally, in the evening, by invitation, I joined him and 3 other men in my first ever Men's Group. We watched a docu-film called 'The Work' by directors Jairus McLeary and Gethin Aldous (Men, you really should look this up and watch it. I don't recommend anything lightly, as those of you who've known me for some time will know).

We then came together afterwards to discuss the film and share our thoughts.

I must say that, prior to last night, I had never even really heard of Men's Groups. One of the reasons I joined last evening was that I had been feeling a sense of isolation for some time and, late last year, I realised how un-connected I was.

The main question in my mind was, 'Who can I open up to when I face problems?'

While amongst the others present last evening, I learned that I was not the only one asking this question.

So it was serendipitous that I met him at the Men's Symposium last Sunday and he happened to be hosting the Group yesterday.

Thank you for extending the invitation. I don't think you know what it means to me to have visited your Group. Nevertheless, I am deeply thankful that you reached out. I look forward to contributing more in the future if you'll have me.

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By the 3rd one or so, I was awash with a familiar doubt.

“I don’t feel like being there. How does this help me? I’m not making a difference there. Why bother?'“

I seriously contemplated not turning up for the next one.

“What difference would it make?” I asked myself.

It is at times like these that I realise how important to my mental well-being it is to make decisions before they need to be made. As I had already decided to keep attending early on, I kept to my decision.

And I never doubted myself in this area again.

Since that incident, I had ‘religiously’ been present at every monthly meeting.

At this point, having just attended the 10th session (I hope my math is right), I told the group my experience and that I had grown since that first meeting.

Because our meetings are meant to be private, I am not at liberty to disclose what we have discussed or done in them. Suffice it to say that I have found them to be an important part of my growth this year.

I am immensely grateful to have found this group of men. Though we aren’t necessarily ‘brothers in arms’ in closeness (yet), I know that I can count on at least some of them should I ever need to call for an listening ear or for help.

It is a relief to know that I am not the only one bothered by the oft-unspoken loneliness that many men face.

Though we may put on a brave front or say that we are fine, more often than not, we aren’t.

I believe that this needs to be a more widespread thing. And as I have been inspired, so shall I inspire others.

Perhaps in 2020, I will start one and see where that takes us. There is much to consider, of course, but, as one of the lessons I learned attending this Group, I need to take action, not just stay in my head.

Here’s to a connected 2020, for all men everywhere.

As The Year 2019 Ends, I Look Back And These Are Some Of My Thoughts

2019 isn’t quite over yet. And yet, there have been some significant differences between this year and the previous.

When this year started, I set myself a task to complete - to build new and maintain current relationships.

I started this because of a book that I read that profoundly affected my thinking.

Essentially, it reminded me that I could not live a life completely devoid of other people, at least not if I wanted to live a meaningful life.

Now, this all sounds really cliché and ‘obvious’.

I do have to give a bit of an explanation.

My tendency is to avoid human contact - mainly because I find people draining to be around. As such, I can go for tremendously long periods without interacting with another human being, even an online one - something most people find very odd.

As a result of this tendency, I have neglected a lot of relationships and avoided cultivating new ones.

It culminated in a year that felt extraordinarily low and depressing. That was 2018.

I didn’t want a repeat of that. Thus, I made a commitment to myself to do something about my relationships in 2019.

Was I fully successful? Likely not.

And yet, I know that I have put in a significant amount of effort and time into building up some of my relationships this year. And I’m glad to say that I have the improved relationships to show for it.

In terms of career / work, I’d say that this year was not great, but it was much better than last year. I’d also say that, through the building of relationships this year, I have set up a number of projects for next year. So I fully expect that 2020 will be an even better year!

I’ve been very inactive on social media this year, having gotten rather jaded with the whole content mill thing.

I have nothing against people who can consistently and comfortably put up useful and engaging content, but those who cannot need to stop trying so hard. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve blocked or removed from social media this year because their posts were annoying / inane. Clearly, they’ve been advised by someone to do it. And, truth be told, it’s not doing them favours.

Well, at this point, these are my main thoughts about 2019. Signing off until the next post!

I Had My Identi3 Profile Analysed and Got Some Interesting Insights!

If you’ve read my book - The Introvert Teacher - you’ll know that I’m intensely curious about human behaviours and psychology. Actually, come to think of it, if you’ve had a long enough conversation with me, you’ll find that out too.

I’ve done a number of psychometric tests and my results have been fairly constant.

They tell a consistent narrative of what I understand about myself.

So, when I heard about the Identi3 profiling tool, I was curious, though I did wonder if I would learn anything new about myself.

But, for science, I decided to do it. With the help of a certified profiler, of course.

It consisted of an test taken through their website, and a meetup to explain the results.

It turns out that, apart from being an Investigator, someone who enjoys challenging ideas and concepts, I am also an Expositor, someone who is good at expressing myself - in my case, through verbal and written means, and an Artist, someone who enjoys artistic expression and creative freedom.

So, in a nutshell, I live mainly in my head, come up with unusual, out-of-the-box ideas that I easily explain to others in ways that they can understand.

Sounds about right.

In fact, it sounds like what a consultant does.

Perhaps that is the line of work I should be pursuing.

I’ve recently been re-evaluating my plans for becoming a speaker. Though I feel that my message is one that others will benefit from hearing, I wonder if it’s truly as important as I think it is - important enough, that is, to make a career out of talking about it.

I’m not entirely convinced that it is, though I have constantly received feedback that it is an interesting and thought-provoking subject.

And yet, interesting and thought-provoking are not strong enough traits for me to base everything on. Above that, I need to know that it is important to do.

So, this is the clarity that I seek.

With it, I can make a better decision.

In the meantime, as I seek it, I will continue to do work that I know is important.