Learning the Hard Way: Who vs How

I was brought up in a family that espoused independence and valued self-reliance.

From a young age, I heard things like,

“Don’t rely on others,”

“The world doesn’t owe you a living”,

“God helps those who help themselves” (Slightly odd, because we were not a spiritual / religious family).

I rarely accepted help and even more rarely asked for it.

My worldview was that nobody was going to “save” me. I had to figure out where to go and beat my own path.

It certainly didn’t help that social skills weren’t my strong suit. Yet, I didn’t feel that much of a loss because I thought that I didn’t need help anyway.

I never thought that this was out of the ordinary.

The trouble with having such a mindset is that you start to question the motives of people who may genuinely want to help - not out of selfish desire or personal gain, but just to be helpful.

I certainly had these thoughts. If I didn’t want to help others, why would someone else want to help me?

Even today, this question enters my mind.

I am skeptical of others and their intentions, and I see extending a helping hand as having the effect of disabling the other person’s resilience, i.e. helping others makes them / keeps them weak.

Troublingly, this fed a fear of weakness. I feared that accepting help would make me weaker or cause others to think that I am weak.

Through reading a number of books and my involvement and participation in a Men’s Group (which I talked about in an earlier post), I started working through the latter issue.

The former issue - that of my fear that accepting help would make me weaker - is still an issue. As I think on it, I find that I don’t apply this as much to other people now, but I still apply it to myself.

It’s something I definitely have to work through because it’s starting to become problematic, especially in my current journey to validating and launching an online workshop - currently aimed at fellow introvert teachers / trainers who are new to the craft.

I will talk to someone who already has a sizeable online community, who is also an introvert, and who has previously offered to help promote useful content to his community.

I don’t know how it will go, but let’s try. One step at a time.

May This Be a Month of Possibility and Reflection

May has ever been a month of possibility and reflection.

It is so close to the middle of the year, that it feels like a good time to look back upon the preceding months. It is also far enough away from the end of the year that it feels like a good time to recalibrate and refocus for the months to come.

I have spent a great deal of time on pursuits I probably shouldn’t have. And in the midst of them, I have also stumbled upon things I wouldn’t have otherwise.

So I look towards the future, with an eye still on the past.

I will process that latter anchor, that I may unfetter myself from it, and fully invest myself in that which will bring my intended future closer.

To all who are in similar straits, not so dire yet not so calm, do the needful and then lean forward. The sails will take you where you have to go.

Going Through a Tough Time Doesn't Mean That You are a Failure

2020 was, obviously, a bit of a curveball. Some of us responded very well to it, rolling with the punches, adapting accordingly, and are coming up on top. 

Most of us, however, were reeling from the surprise and many of us are still trying to claw our way through and make sense of the bewilderment and chaos.

I’m quite willing to admit that I’m closer to the latter than the former. 

I had made some rather far-forward-looking plans (after a long time of planning and putting the pieces together) and put them into action at the end of 2019, in preparation for a 2020 that would surpass my previous year by leaps and bounds.

The global slowdown was tremendously detrimental to my plans.

It took me a few months before I even came to terms with what was happening. It was only then that I started to take my original plans apart and tried to see where things can be changed.

As of this moment, they still aren’t fully-formed yet. But I'm definitely getting closer to what I sense that I'm meant to do.

I’m not at 100%.

And I think that’s ok.

Some of us take longer to adjust and adapt. The important thing is that we eventually move forward or at least take steps to move forward.

We don’t all have to listen to the ‘motivational gurus’ and make all of our time 'useful and productive'. It’s perfectly alright to take time to recover and piece things together before moving on again.

The Importance of Alone Time - from The Introvert Teacher

The currency of all activities is energy. Without this all-important resource, we cannot possibly do anything.

Where do introverts get their energy? From within themselves.

How do they generate this energy? By having Alone Time.

Without Alone Time, any introvert becomes prone to burnout – a very real threat for teachers.

We are required to spend large amounts of time deeply involved with other people, and their needs and emotions affect us deeply. If we do not take proper breaks, the emotional drain and stress from our work can lead to burnout.

Symptoms of burnout:

1. A diminished desire to care for or about others.

2. Irritability.

3. A feeling of being unappreciated or misunderstood.

4. A feeling that work is overwhelming.

5. A feeling of being drained of energy.

6. Thoughts related to changing jobs or professions.

If you need to take a break to recharge yourself, do so.

Burnout afflicts introverts particularly badly because we need more time to ourselves and are unable to recharge ourselves if we cannot find it.

If you need to take a break to recharge yourself, do so.

Remember that you can only take care of others when your own needs are met. For example, during a flight emergency, you are supposed to place the oxygen mask over your own mouth before doing so for anyone else.

Life should not be any different.

You will find that you will be able to complete your tasks much more efficiently and effectively after a good break than if you just try to steamroll ahead without sufficient rest.

While you are resting, reconnect with your thoughts. Ask yourself why you chose to work in this profession in the first place. You may remember the first months when you started and how exhilarated you felt.

What has changed since then? Is there a way to regain that earlier excitement? Perhaps a project or goal will help you recover the sense of accomplishment that you have been missing.

Think of the lives you have impacted in the time that you have been working. Think of the positive things you have received: Kind words, thank-you notes and all the little things that make your work worthwhile.

If, however, you feel that you need a new direction or profession, then the break may be a good time to think about where you wish to head.